We never boated a single muskie in three days of hard fishing on this trip. But we saw fish every time the Lund left the dock. One blew up on a Tallywacker that was being burned in so I could pick up the Tiger Tube while Darrin was entertaining another fish with a figure-8 at boatside. This encounter sparked a more mature variation of "buzzafubba" tempered by years of close encounters of the Esox kind. Oh, those muskies! Toothed tormentors of the parasympathetic nervous system and so much more!

These fish were patrolling within 50 yards of where veteran guide George Langley said they would be -- just a long cast from where Eagle Lake necks down to enter Scattering Rice Lake to the east.

The Eagle River Chain is home to textbook-perfect weed edges that are a major source of muskie orientation throughout the fishing year because the water is so dark. Although hiring a good guide like George Langley will certainly shave numbers off that "fish of 10,000 casts" stuff, anybody who can't walk out of a sport shop without dropping at least $100 on lures can winnow their presentation to logically effective tactics in a very short time.

Because the water is dark, obnoxious fluorescent baits are a good place to start. The forage base is primarily perch, with a few suckers thrown into the mix. Smaller twitchbaits like the little Jake and smaller bucktails like the Mepps Muskie Killer and the venerable Wacker provide your shortest odds for a stretched string on these waters.

Although Langley's Eagle Sports Center has been recognized as one of the top 10 bait shops in the country, the knowledgeable staff won't cater to the bizarre propensity muskie anglers have for purchasing lures these fish certainly haven't seen. The muskie attack here is straightforward. One angler throws a black Mepps Muskie Killer bucktail with a fluorescent red blade, while another angler pitches some kind of topwater. The Tallywacker is a good place to start, especially on the more wind-sheltered waters of the Eagle River Chain.

For about $100, any Wisconsin resident over age 16 can live out their northwoods muskie guide fantasy with fair expectations of success on the Eagle River Chain. The c-note covers the cost of your guide license, a checked flannel shirt and a knife for your belt. Have your "clients" tie on the aforementioned baits as you keep the boat out of the weeds (Hint: There are a lot of channel markers and other buoys on this chain) while working on your grunting and gesturing skills.

Keep a plastic bag with a couple of 3-inch fluorescent twistertails in the pocket of your flannel shirt. If you don't "move" a muskie after an hour or so, impale one of the twistertails on a hook of the bucktail's treble hook while grunting and gesturing toward one of the chain's myriad boathouses or docks. Try to hide your surprise when a mid-30-inch fish comes boiling out of the wood and garwoofles your "client's" bucktail.

If you put in a fair amount of time on the water -- especially early in the morning, in the evening or when a storm is on the way -- an encounter with at least one muskie is almost a certainty.